Thank You For Firing Me!

Thank You For Firing Me!
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Saturday, February 27, 2010

What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

I wanted to be an actress, but mom and dad wouldn't send me to drama school. My back-up plan was to be a dancer but I had two left feet. But I really wanted to be a writer but no one told me I could be one. So for 20 years I had odd jobs such as singing waitress and funeral director until I woke up and said, "Hey I just remembered, I want to be a writer!" So I started writing. I bought books and read up on how to get published (this is before the magic machine called the Internet was invented.) and then I was soon published. Again, and again and well, thousands of times!
I finally got to be what I wanted to be.

So what are your dreams?

Did you want to be a cowboy? Because you still can be one! Here check it out dude! Toss the suit and put oh some of those hot leather chaps....

How about circus performer. Seriously, I know you used to dream of running away with the circus and of flying through the air, but before you take that leap, here are some places to learn how to update your circus skills:

Let's see, I know kids want to be teachers and firefighters and doctors and, umm lawyers (I almost couldn't write that one, but I'm trying to be unbiased.) so here are a couple of gigs for all you jobless dreamers. Get back to being a kid again and you might just find yourself happily employed.


Monday, February 15, 2010

Who's The Boss?


Or were. But now, you're only the boss of you. LOL! And maybe the cat. You sit around the house now in your tie and jacket and your boxers hoping that your ex-assistant will call with a list of job offers. You wait for the phone to ring with your old USC buddy on the other line with a sweet CEO gig at the biggest bank /mortgage/insurance company IN THE WORLD and you wait. And you wait.
But here's a clue, oh deposed one...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND FIND YOUR OWN JOB~! Sheesh. You're not the king/boss anymore so until you get back into a corner office with a view of your fiefdom and peasants and that hot office assistant in a short skirt/tight Hugo Boss're just like the rest of us. Unemployed. Jobless. Pathetic.
Not so great when it HAPPENED TO YOU NOW IS IT!!! Sorry, not very professional of us, but it's a little tough not to gloat after you were in charge of firing hundreds of workers, oh and quite possible US!. But, cause this is President's Day,  just this once we'll throw you a bone. We are an equal opportunity, umm, whatever we are. So we have some jobs listed here that you just might be qualified for. So pad that resume a little more, comb your hair grab your briefcase and get your ass moving! Hey, WAIT, get back in there and put on your pants....just like the rest of us!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

We LOVE Home-Based Businesses and HATE to Go to Work!

It's almost Valentine's Day and we LOVE to look pretty, eat chocolate, drink wine and have lot's of sex, so the idea came to us- why not SELL those things?

Don't you LOVE it?

We knew you would, so here are a few ideas to think about when trying to decide what type of home-based business you would LOVE to make your own business:

* Think about the things in life that you LOVE to do. Do you LOVE Shopping? Do you LOVE to drink? How about fooling around?
* When you get a little time to yourself, how do you choose to spend that time? What are you doing – other than watching TV or sleeping? (Maybe you should keep the answer to yourself, you know, TMI!)

Your answers to these questions give you a sense of what you LOVE to do! Your next task will be brainstorming ways in which you can turn one or more of those passions into a home based business or work at home job.

But before you scroll to our job ideas, make sure you do your homework and look out for what little money you have: check and double check the initial fee. If you’re buying into a home party business, ask what’s included in the startup kit. Look for plenty of samples, training materials and other tools that will help you host a successful party.

Ask whether there’s a buyback policy. Companies that are members of the DSA* must agree to buy back inventory from consultants within 12 months of the date of purchase at a minimum of 90 percent of the original net cost.

Make sure there’s a real product being sold. If you suspect it’s a pyramid scheme--where your time and money are devoted to recruiting and earning money off a downline, and there’s no product being sold or the product is worthless--keep looking.

Don’t feel pressured.Take time to think it over and decide it's something you are going to LOVE to do.

So we've listed a few home-based businesses that we thought you would LOVE and if you're successful, please mail us a few free samples. We Love FREE STUFF.

Ding, Dong, Mark Calling!

Not Like Your Kids Sleepovers!

Get Em' Drunk and Make Your Mortgage Payment

Oh God, What Could Be Better Than Dove Chocolate?

*Direct Selling Association's (DSA) NOT to be confused with the Democratic Socialists of America....well, maybe they ARE the same thing. Whatever.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Dear Academy Awards- Screw the Oscar, We Want a Job!

So the Academy Awards for 2010 were just announced and honestly? We don't care.
And why should we? These folks who are up for awards get to take a lot of time off to bask topless in the sun while dodging the press and then they have the NERVE to be picky about which job offer they are going to take. Besides that, they earn like a million, gazzillion dollars to play dress-up! And don't get us started on the Academy Awards Show! Seriously, we only like to watch when the hosts are on stage because we once saw Mel Griffin with our Nanny, so we have a thing for talk-show wonks. (Usually daytime or late-night hosts who are actually funny but get panned the next day by very unfunny critics....who we would like to fire!)

We suppose that if we were ever nominated for an award we wouldn't think it was so boring/narcissistic/painful to watch, but that's never going to happen, now is it? (still bitter over parents not sending us to drama school....could you tell?)

But, if you want to be a part of this circus, well we won't hold you back (ahem!) We want to support you in any crazy dream job you have! Because we love you. Oh yes we do!
So, here a a few jobs that have a connection to the Academy Awards and all things Hollywood. Good luck and do NOT forget to thank us in your acceptance speech!

Department Assistant/Public Liaison