Thank You For Firing Me!

Thank You For Firing Me!
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Sunday, May 30, 2010

BP CEO Tony Hayward May Soon Need a New Job....

I mean he's got to be the most hated guy  on this side of the pond....the really black, oily, yucky and dying pond.

With everyone, and I mean everyone pissed at this guy for some reason or another, I think he should have a backup plan for employment- just in case his back-up, back-up plan for cleaning up the damn disaster doesn't  work out.

  Speaking at Stanford business school last year, Mr Hayward said, "“BP makes its money by someone, somewhere, every day putting on boots, overalls, a hard hat and glasses, and going out and turning valves,” he said. “And we’d sort of lost track of that.” So maybe he can start there. (As the spill worsened, Hayward also said "I don't believe it should [result in a ban], in the same way as Apollo 13 did not stop the space program nor have serious airline accidents from time to time stopped people flying." So the job as a grief counselor is probably out.)

I found a job for a Natural Gas Leak Survey Technician, because I think after this he might want to go out into the field and put on that hard-hat a goggles- so that no one will recognize him!

But then I thought, perhaps after seeing all those fish and birds and effing dolphins wash up on shore , he might want to give back and get a job helping the very creatures that his company is trying to wipe out. Just a thought.

I figure a guy making can afford a couple of warehouses full of Dawn Dishsoap, which is used to clean the oil-covered animals, so here is a link for you Tony!

But really, because this guy is really the biggest bloody wanker since the Earl of Bute (look it up) I think he should just be tarred and feathered- along with other ill-responsible BP mucketty mucks- and fired.  

BTW Tony, you should probably purchase a copy of Thank You for Firing Me! How to Catch the Next Wave of Success After You Lose Your Job. Pay special attention to Chapter 8- "Big Waves Ahead: Hot Green Industries Coming Your Way!"

Oh, and if you are looking for a gig with this nasty company, or you just really, really need a job, go ahead an apply. Just don't tell your friends where you work.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

You Need to be a Teeny Bit Crazy to Get a Job!

Times are tough in the job world and some people are going a little nuts when they can't find work.

I get it, it can make you a little loony when you have to pay bills with a negative bank account, have to pretend to be happy when you're out with your paycheck enhanced and employed friends and crazy when you find yourself taking gigs that you wouldn't even want your brother-in-law to have to do... right...crazy like a fox!

 That's right, craaaaazy! Just yesterday I was speaking to a friend I hadn't heard from since he lost his job 10 years ago with one of the world's biggest golf club makers. He was the 'Golden Boy' on the fast track to success, but something wasnt quit right. Literally. He went crazy. Bonkers. Wacky!

 He soon found himself heavily medicated and without a job. He was diagnosed with this and that, but I think he was unhappy in his job. Sure it paid well. Yes, he logged long hours, but he got to golf quite a bit and hang out with professional duffers (boooring!) but it wasn't his calling! He wasn't afraid of hard work- hell he was a store janitor when he was a teenager- but he wanted to be around horses. That was his calling!

A decade later he found his mind again (well, kind of.) and he is doing what he loves to do! He travels, he works with horses which he has done since he was a child and other like-minded horsey people and is writing a book. Not everyone can be out-of-their minds in this world of  15 million unemployed people, but if you're slightly sane, maybe you can take advantage of the other nut-jobs out there. It's worth a try.
Now go take your meds and apply for one of these gigs!

Mental Health Evaluator

Mental Health Staff

Patton State Hospital- the Creme de la Creme!

Golf if this game doesn't make you crazy!

And here's a Mulligan for you! 

PS- While you are contemplating life..or if you're in the loony bin, and you are looking for great book recommendation, check out Flashlight Worthy at 
Everything looks better with a good book!