Thank You For Firing Me!

Thank You For Firing Me!
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Thursday, June 24, 2010

General Jobs for Fired Generals

You know, no matter how indispensable you THINK you are, your ass can still be fired. I mean, sure you can come in late and take long-ass lunches and steal an office supply or two. Maybe you can even get away with drinking too much at the office Christmas party, but when it comes to covering up the death of a  professional football star-turned-star Army volunteer-- Pat Tillman-- killed by friendly fire and then diss your boss in Rolling Stone Magazine, well dude, I mean come on! Just because you wear a fancy suit with stars and ribbons and have a your own Jeep and a lot of people working under you doesn't mean you get to be a complete asshole and not get your comupance.

But, now that you've found yourself out on the street with the million of other folks who are jobless, take your pension and free-lifetime health care and look for another job. Hell, your wife probably doesn't want to give up those PX shopping privaleges so you better get back to work.

Lucky for you I have sympathy for your digressions because I think you've probably learned from your mistakes. (You know like don't cover up deaths and don't call out the Prez in magazines for stoner's. Just reminding you.)

With that said and moving on, put on some real clothes, say Dockers and a golf shirt, have a beer, tell your posse to go home and check out these jobs fit for a general. At ease soldier!

General Mills-

General Dynamics- 

General Tool & Supply Co-

General Store-

Monday, June 14, 2010

LADUMA! Let's Find You a Job in Soccer!

I love diski. When I'm not plugging the book or jolling I watch  the World Cup as often as I can.

If you are such a mampara and don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then you should find a job anywhere BUT in futbol! Or Football. OR for (us) Americans SOCCER!

If you want a job as in now-now, or even just-now-in this sport, then you should at least understand the slang of the people who are hosting the 2010 World Cup. Come on, put down that smiley, I mean I know they're fooken nca, bro, but you need a job! (OK, that was FUN!)

But seriously- more than a billion people are expected to follow the month long tournament between the world's top 32 (or is it 36? What do I know-I'm just a journalist.) soccer playing nations. That means there are a lot of people not working and you could possibly steal their jobs. OR you could find a job where you could show people how to play the game. (That might be a tad more sportsman-like.)
You could coach, referee or play for a paycheck. You could design soccer computer games, clothing or board games. You could conjure up soccer dishes or write soccer inspired songs or books. If you love soccer there is NOTHING that can stop you from finding or creating a job that co-mingles your passion for the sport with a paycheck.
Hayibo... are you paying attention to me or watching the game? Hey! Stop blowing on that annoying vuvuzela and apply for a damn job in soccer. (Go look this stuff up. There's a thing called the Internet. Sigh.)


and because soccer is so lekker-

Saturday, June 12, 2010

This is NOT Funny!

Well, it's kind of funny, but I didn't write it. It's a great book review from the Huffington Post on June 11. So  don't listen to ME when I tell you this book will help you in your job search. Listen to the Huff!

Book Review: Thank You for Firing Me

You've lost your job. Now what? That's the question put forth in Candice Reed and Kitty Martini's Thank You For Firing Me!: How to Catch the Next Wave of Success After You Lose Your Job. Granted there are dozens and dozens of books offering advice for people who are out of work, or those looking to change careers, but none of these really tell you it's okay to be out of work for a while. It's okay to take the time to figure out what you really want to do with your life. It's okay to sell your possessions and travel the world to take some time off. Thank You For Firing Me explores this side of being unemployed. Sure the statistics now are daunting: the Dow is in turmoil, unemployment is eking toward 10 percent, nearly 300,000 people sought unemployment assistance in April, and quite simply, people are struggling to make ends meet. The situation becomes even more daunting when you are faced with being laid off, fired, or simply take the risk and quit to try to find something better. People self-identify with their jobs and people make perceptions about others based on what they do. Assumptions are made if you're a lawyer, a banker, a waitress, or a construction worker. Are these assumptions fair? Maybe not, but they exist nonetheless. When you lose a job, you also lose a little bit of your identity. You ask questions, similar to those of a break up, and certainly go through the same emotions: what did I do wrong? What am I supposed to do now? How dare they do this to me; I don't deserve it. The authors themselves come from this world. Following a series of careers ranging from waitress to mortician, Reed finally found what she wanted to do with her life after landing a writing gig with a community newspaper in San Diego. Unfortunately, she tapped into her passion just as this industry was struggling to find revenues in an era of digital media and advertising. After struggling to find writing jobs after the paper folded, she and her husband decided to chuck it all and leave their native California for greener pastures. Martini is an entrepreneur and comedian, two worlds that have never been easy for people to "make it." While their advice partly comes from a place of personal experience, they have also done their homework to identify ways to conduct research, new and emerging industries, and educational resources that provide retraining opportunities for those looking to lay a foundation for a new career path in an entirely new industry. This book isn't about starting over again in a job that you really don't want just because you need the paycheck, or about continuing in a career because you don't know what else to do. Thank You For Firing Me! is about the process of learning about yourself and translating that into the career of your dreams. What are you passionate about? What motivates you? What did you love best about your past jobs? What didn't you like? Being honest with yourself and tackling these tough questions is step one. For many, the most challenging part about finding a new job is where to start. Reed and Martini explore new and emerging industries and challenge readers to think outside the box: are you a casual surfer whose worked a desk job all his life? Open a surf shop. Are you a woman who got laid off from a mid-management job at a financial services job but has always loved working outdoors? Throw those suits away and get outside. Thank You For Firing Me! is really about that - it's about taking a devastating experience and turning into one of the best things that can happen to you. Taking an often lighthearted and comical approach - Thank You For Firing Me! is full of resources for people trying to get back on track, personal anecdotes from people who really turned their lives around after being fired, and is likely to become a great resource for those looking to find the job of their dreams.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Your Job if You Decide to Accept It: Find Tipper a Date!

Let's face it---Al is going to have a hot babe on his arm by Father's Day, while Tipper is going to be staying up nights in that big-ass energy- wasting- house of hers looking for a guy on and hanging out with her neighbor Oprah snacking down on Costco-size bags of Cheetos's and Chardonnay.

I mean COME ON- I like her, but guys will immediately see that she's over 60, a few pounds overweight and  everyone in the Free World knows she doesn't like dirty lyrics in her music. (They will no doubt  figure she doesn't want to hear any nasty talk in the bedroom.)
They'll keep clicking until they find a girl who is waaaay to young for them, waaay to dumb for them and pick her, because everyone knows who the real Tipper is!

I think it's going to be a big job finding a man to replace Al. Oh sure he's kind of wooden, and 'that kiss' was kind of like watching your parents make-out-yuck- but he's rich, still has his hair, he loves chick-issues such as the environment and he's a BAZILLIONAIRE! So slam-dunk.

So, what I'm saying here is that you can make this very sad divorce for the Gore family into a very positive turn-of-events for YOU!

It's going to take someone with dating savvy to find Tipper a date. Someone with sense of humor because she was the 2nd Lady and she's probably a bit of a diva, but YOU COULD DO IT! (You've probably visited a few ahem, 'dating sites' since you were fired from your job, so you're kind of an expert by now, right?

Get this: Online dating has become a $1 billion a year business with tens of millions of users visiting dating sites in the U.S. every month. And as dating sites have become more popular, several online services have popped up to help users improve their chances of meeting people online which means, hence and furthermore, that there are jobs to be had with online dating sites!

Of course if you want the job of actually dating Tipper Gore, there's a site for you too... but dirty words!

Jobs at,Job&jvk=Job,Job&jvk=Job

And jobs at It's Just Lunch!

Jobs at eHarmony

And for all you Tipper Horndogs -- Majestic Males for Hire