What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

I wanted to be an actress, but mom and dad wouldn't send me to drama school. My back-up plan was to be a dancer but I had two left feet. But I really wanted to be a writer but no one told me I could be one. So for 20 years I had odd jobs such as singing waitress and funeral director until I woke up and said, "Hey I just remembered, I want to be a writer!" So I started writing. I bought books and read up on how to get published (this is before the magic machine called the Internet was invented.) and then I was soon published. Again, and again and well, thousands of times!
I finally got to be what I wanted to be.

So what are your dreams?

Did you want to be a cowboy? Because you still can be one! Here check it out dude! Toss the suit and put oh some of those hot leather chaps.... http://www.duderanchjobs.com/job

How about circus performer. Seriously, I know you used to dream of running away with the circus and of flying through the air, but before you take that leap, here are some places to learn how to update your circus skills:
http://www.ehow.com/how-to_4845448_3_join-a-circus.html

Let's see, I know kids want to be teachers and firefighters and doctors and, umm lawyers (I almost couldn't write that one, but I'm trying to be unbiased.) so here are a couple of gigs for all you jobless dreamers. Get back to being a kid again and you might just find yourself happily employed.
http://www.teachers-teachers.com/teaching-jobs.cfm
http://www.firefighter-jobs.com/
http://www.physemp.com/
http://www.alternativelawyerjobs.com/


AND CHECK OUT HOW MY DREAM CAME TRUE!

Who's The Boss?

YOU ARE!

Or ahem...you were. But now, you're only the boss of you. LOL! And maybe the cat. You sit around the house now in your tie and jacket and your boxers hoping that your ex-assistant will call with a list of job offers. You wait for the phone to ring with your old USC buddy on the other line with a sweet CEO gig at the biggest bank /mortgage/insurance company IN THE WORLD and you wait. And you wait.
But here's a clue, oh deposed one...GET UP OFF YOUR ASS AND FIND YOUR OWN JOB~! Sheesh. You're not the king/boss anymore so until you get back into a corner office with a view of your fiefdom and peasants and that hot office assistant in a short skirt/tight Hugo Boss slacks...you're just like the rest of us. Unemployed. Jobless. Pathetic.
Not so great when it HAPPENED TO YOU NOW IS IT!!! Sorry, not very professional of us, but it's a little tough not to gloat after you were in charge of firing hundreds of workers, oh and quite possible US!. But, cause this is President's Day,  just this once we'll throw you a bone. We are an equal opportunity, umm, whatever we are. So we have some jobs listed here that you just might be qualified for. So pad that resume a little more, comb your hair grab your briefcase and get your ass moving! Hey, WAIT, get back in there and put on your pants....just like the rest of us!

http://www.associationjobs.com/
http://www.salary.com/careers/layouthtmls/crel_searchjob_EX05000001.html
http://www.hound.com/
http://www.jobsearchpage.com/info.php?jobid=2567426

We LOVE Home-Based Businesses and HATE to Go to Work!

It's almost Valentine's Day and we LOVE to look pretty, eat chocolate, drink wine and have lot's of sex, so the idea came to us- why not SELL those things?

Don't you LOVE it?



We knew you would, so here are a few ideas to think about when trying to decide what type of home-based business you would LOVE to make your own business:

* Think about the things in life that you LOVE to do. Do you LOVE Shopping? Do you LOVE to drink? How about fooling around?
* When you get a little time to yourself, how do you choose to spend that time? What are you doing – other than watching TV or sleeping? (Maybe you should keep the answer to yourself, you know, TMI!)

Your answers to these questions give you a sense of what you LOVE to do! Your next task will be brainstorming ways in which you can turn one or more of those passions into a home based business or work at home job.

But before you scroll to our job ideas, make sure you do your homework and look out for what little money you have: check and double check the initial fee. If you’re buying into a home party business, ask what’s included in the startup kit. Look for plenty of samples, training materials and other tools that will help you host a successful party.

Ask whether there’s a buyback policy. Companies that are members of the DSA* must agree to buy back inventory from consultants within 12 months of the date of purchase at a minimum of 90 percent of the original net cost.

Make sure there’s a real product being sold. If you suspect it’s a pyramid scheme--where your time and money are devoted to recruiting and earning money off a downline, and there’s no product being sold or the product is worthless--keep looking.

Don’t feel pressured.Take time to think it over and decide it's something you are going to LOVE to do.

So we've listed a few home-based businesses that we thought you would LOVE and if you're successful, please mail us a few free samples. We Love FREE STUFF.


Ding, Dong, Mark Calling!
http://www.meetmark.com/PRSuite/sell/sellmark.jsp

Not Like Your Kids Sleepovers!
http://www.slumberpartiesbydana.com/

Get Em' Drunk and Make Your Mortgage Payment
http://www.wineshopathome.com/


Oh God, What Could Be Better Than Dove Chocolate?
http://www.geteventjobs.com/dove-chocolate-discoveries-chocolatier

*Direct Selling Association's (DSA) NOT to be confused with the Democratic Socialists of America....well, maybe they ARE the same thing. Whatever.

Dear Academy Awards- Screw the Oscar, We Want a Job!

So the Academy Awards for 2010 were just announced and honestly? We don't care.
And why should we? These folks who are up for awards get to take a lot of time off to bask topless in the sun while dodging the press and then they have the NERVE to be picky about which job offer they are going to take. Besides that, they earn like a million, gazzillion dollars to play dress-up! And don't get us started on the Academy Awards Show! Seriously, we only like to watch when the hosts are on stage because we once saw Mel Griffin with our Nanny, so we have a thing for talk-show wonks. (Usually daytime or late-night hosts who are actually funny but get panned the next day by very unfunny critics....who we would like to fire!)

We suppose that if we were ever nominated for an award we wouldn't think it was so boring/narcissistic/painful to watch, but that's never going to happen, now is it? (still bitter over parents not sending us to drama school....could you tell?)

But, if you want to be a part of this circus, well we won't hold you back (ahem!) We want to support you in any crazy dream job you have! Because we love you. Oh yes we do!
So, here a a few jobs that have a connection to the Academy Awards and all things Hollywood. Good luck and do NOT forget to thank us in your acceptance speech!


http://www.oscars.org/about/employment/public-liaison.html
Department Assistant/Public Liaison

http://www.audiencesunlimited.com/

http://www.creativejobscentral.com/jobfeed/view_job.php?id=125386

Bridezilla Handlers Needed

There may be a recession on people, but little girls still dream of getting married in a fancy white dress with lots of tulle and fairy lights and open bar and little appetizers. They dream of making their very best friends buy expensive ugly dresses that 'they can cut off and wear again' and they long to make their boyfriends sweat by renting a tux and trying to stay sober enough not to dance with the hookers at the bachelor party. They also dream of making their parents pay through the nose to rent the VFW Hall and buy rubber chicken for 200 of their closest friends. (DEEP BREATH.)

So if you have a degree in psychology and you've had a recent tetanus shot and you really don't want to go into the military, check out these jobs in the wedding industry. And because I am in the airport writing this after buying my daughter's wedding dress I don't think much is funny, I'll leave you with this joke:


Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
--Robin Williams

Jobs in the Wedding Industry:

http://about.indeed.com/jobs?q=wedding+coordinator&sort=
https://www.hrapply.com/mgmmirage/AppJobView.jsp?link=127194&electronic_referral=indeed

Sorry Gen Y- Those Damn Boomers Won't Retire...

Or will they?

We know you're hurting kids. You're mom and dad promised you the world when you got bigger. They told you that you could be anything you wanted when you grew up. (They lied) Besides that, they told you if a boss was mean you should quit. They told you that no matter what you did you were a winner. (You're so not!) And to make matters worse, those damn boomers won't retire an so you can take their jobs, streamline the company and work from (your parents) home.


We hear you and we are kind of on your side. We are really tired of old dudes making our coffee and cranky-ass menopausal broads checking us out at Albertson's. Seriously- they scare us and they give us the evil eye if we buy more than one bottle of wine!
So here's your chance to find a job to get them out of the workforce and send them off to the Grateful Dead Home for old Rockers.

If you can't find a job in the top industries to steal money from these old farts who still think it's okay to wear tie-dye and not color their hair,you need to create one. These people still have money and they want to travel and if they do go into the home they want it to rock!
So if you really need a job, get out there and not only help grandma across the street, help her over the damn cliff!

Top Industries and a couple of jobs for Gen Y to take money from Boomers:

Healthcare-http://www.franchisegator.com/CareMinders-Home-Care-franchise/
http://www.medhunting.com/

Retirement Homes- www.seniorhousingjobs.com/ and http://www.atriaseniorliving.com/careers_at_atria.aspx

Travel- http://www.quintcareers.com/hospitality_jobs.html and http://www.vantagetravel.com/StaticPages/aboutus/careers.aspx

Quit Yer Bitchen and Invent Yourself a Job!

Posted by Candice and Kitty on the January 14th, 2010

We know it's tough out there people, you can't find a job that pays even
60K and you would feel like such a loser if you took that, but here, let
us help you out.

Raise your right hand cheek level - NOW SLAP YOURSELF!
In the wise words of Miss Cher, 'GET OVER IT!

We mean, here's a little reality check. Are you living in your folks nice
basement for free? Driving a 10-year-old car? Living in a tiny apartment in very cha-cha Manhattan?

Well try living in HAITI!

Seriously!

So, now that we've channeled your mom, let's see if we can take you down a
new career path. Let's see....what can you do? We've got it!

You can INVENT/CREATE SOMETHING!

Wait, did you just roll your eyes at us? Because we're not doing this for
our health you know. We do have better things to do than find you a job.
We could umm, we could be.. well, that's none of your business, this is
about YOU not us!

Check it out: Thomas Edison didn't pop out of his mom's womb and run off
to invent the light bulb. Nope, he freaking sold candy and newspapers on
trains and later sold vegetables to keep from finding a real job while
he tried to invent things like the phonograph player (that's big iPod
for those of you who slept through History 101) and the motion picture
camera (camcorder Einstein) and of course, the light bulb.

Now, you don't have to invent something as super- cool as the Screaming
Super Simian Monkey Slingshot- http://tinyurl.com/29agr8- or the very
chic metal detecting sandals http://tinyurl.com/nlujd3, because people,
that's pure genius. But there are other ways to invent yourself a job.

Can you sew? Knit, bead or are you just plain crafty? Well get busy and
sell your crap, we mean crafts, that's what we meant, really- on Etsy. http://www.etsy.com/.
This is the coolest place to sell all your handmade stuff that you've
been giving as gifts at Christmas because you don't have any money to
buy us a real present. So, if you sell 20 of those itchy fuchsia
scarves you gave us for our birthday last year, you could have bought
us, oh I don't know? a pair of those awesome metal detecting sandals!

Just a tip.

If you want to set up your own virtual store to sell you stuff or even
your music, go to http://bigcartel.com/ and then send out a big
announcement to all your friends and family and you're in business.

So that's it for today kids. The reality of the job market out there is,
well, shitty, but if people listen to the authors of Thank You for
Firing Me!thankyouforfiringme.org someday everyone can stop riding the
subway to a job they hate and instead stay at home in their PJ's and
make a living. (well, except for scientists, you need to go to the lab.
OK and maybe construction workers, you have to go to a job. Oh and
airline people, you need to...Never mind, stop annoying us and get to
work!)
Oh, and here's a shout-out to the sellers of that cool light bulb hat at
foureyesjokeshop.com. Kudos to doing what you love to do!