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Sunday, March 21, 2010

Jobs for Soon-to-be-Fired Health Care Executives

Now that the  Health Care Bill has passed, we've been told that a ton of new jobs would be opening up out there for regular folks.

Data collected by Neeraj Sood, a professor at the University of Southern California who has looked at the impact of rising health care costs on employment, and David Cutler, a economist at Harvard University who has studied the impact of health care reform on care and insurance premiums  estimate that health care reform could produce, on average, 250,000 to 400,000 jobs a year over the next decade. Not bad, not bad at all. But we got to thinking...what about those health insurance executives who make a gazillion dollars a year? What will happen to them when they can't charge people $4,900 for a Band-aid? What will happen to their fancy jets and something called a pension? (We've heard of these things but don't know anyone who actually has one. Kind of like Bigfoot.)  So we got to feeling kind of sorry for these executives and we thought we would throw them a bone. Find them a job befitting their status and popularity with the American people. We wouldn't want to deny them anything like, umm, a job with health care now that they're now would we?
We just hope your last job doesn't count as a pre-existing condition on your resume!

1.Odor Tester
This job is not for anyone with their nose out of joint, so get over it, the people have spoken!, A chemist is almost like a doctor so you can say 'yeah' or 'No" to the smells of deodorants and anti-perspirants. Wow, great job we stink!
2. Hair Boiler
Who knew this job even existed? This lucky soul gets to boil various kinds of animal hair until it curls for later use. We know that burning hair smells terrible; but try to imagine what an open-sore smells like with no health care. Nice huh?
3. Waste Station/Water Treatment Worker
As a health care executive you're used to dealing with other peoples crap. You better hurry, a lot of you guys are qualified for this one!
4. Weed Farmer
 Weed farmers actually grow weeds rather than trying to get rid of them. They sell them to horticulture schools and labs so various people can do research and studies in the wonderful world of weeds. Kind of like health care and science all rolled into one!
5. Carney
This one is a no-brainer--- carney. The pay is decent, the scenery changes, and you get take advantage of young people by taking their money and offering them stuffed animals instead. As we said, no-brainer!.

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