I love diski.When I'm not plugging the book or jolling I watch the World Cup as often as I can.
If you are such a mampara and don't know what the hell I'm talking about, then you should find a job anywhere BUT in futbol! Or Football. OR for (us) Americans SOCCER!
If you want a job as in now-now, or even just-now-in this sport, then you should at least understand the slang of the people who are hosting the 2010 World Cup. Come on, put down thatsmiley, I mean I know they're fooken nca, bro, but you need a job! (OK, that was FUN!)
But seriously- more than a billion people are expected to follow the month long tournament between the world's top 32 (or is it 36? What do I know-I'm just a journalist.) soccer playing nations. That means there are a lot of people not working and you could possibly steal their jobs. OR you could find a job where you could show people how to play the game. (That might be a tad more sportsman-like.)
You could coach, referee or play for a paycheck. You could design soccer computer games, clothing or board games. You could conjure up soccer dishes or write soccer inspired songs or books. If you love soccer there is NOTHING that can stop you from finding or creating a job that co-mingles your passion for the sport with a paycheck. Hayibo... are you paying attention to me or watching the game? Hey! Stop blowing on that annoying vuvuzela and apply for a damn job in soccer. (Go look this stuff up. There's a thing called the Internet. Sigh.)
Well, it's kind of funny, but I didn't write it. It's a great book review from the Huffington Post on June 11. So don't listen to ME when I tell you this book will help you in your job search. Listen to the Huff!
You've lost your job. Now what? That's the question put forth in Candice Reed and Kitty Martini's Thank You For Firing Me!: How to Catch the Next Wave of Success After You Lose Your Job. Granted there are dozens and dozens of books offering advice for people who are out of work, or those looking to change careers, but none of these really tell you it's okay to be out of work for a while. It's okay to take the time to figure out what you really want to do with your life. It's okay to sell your possessions and travel the world to take some time off. Thank You For Firing Me explores this side of being unemployed.
Sure the statistics now are daunting: the Dow is in turmoil, unemployment is eking toward 10 percent, nearly 300,000 people sought unemployment assistance in April, and quite simply, people are struggling to make ends meet. The situation becomes even more daunting when you are faced with being laid off, fired, or simply take the risk and quit to try to find something better. People self-identify with their jobs and people make perceptions about others based on what they do. Assumptions are made if you're a lawyer, a banker, a waitress, or a construction worker. Are these assumptions fair? Maybe not, but they exist nonetheless. When you lose a job, you also lose a little bit of your identity. You ask questions, similar to those of a break up, and certainly go through the same emotions: what did I do wrong? What am I supposed to do now? How dare they do this to me; I don't deserve it.
The authors themselves come from this world. Following a series of careers ranging from waitress to mortician, Reed finally found what she wanted to do with her life after landing a writing gig with a community newspaper in San Diego. Unfortunately, she tapped into her passion just as this industry was struggling to find revenues in an era of digital media and advertising. After struggling to find writing jobs after the paper folded, she and her husband decided to chuck it all and leave their native California for greener pastures. Martini is an entrepreneur and comedian, two worlds that have never been easy for people to "make it." While their advice partly comes from a place of personal experience, they have also done their homework to identify ways to conduct research, new and emerging industries, and educational resources that provide retraining opportunities for those looking to lay a foundation for a new career path in an entirely new industry.
This book isn't about starting over again in a job that you really don't want just because you need the paycheck, or about continuing in a career because you don't know what else to do. Thank You For Firing Me! is about the process of learning about yourself and translating that into the career of your dreams. What are you passionate about? What motivates you? What did you love best about your past jobs? What didn't you like? Being honest with yourself and tackling these tough questions is step one.
For many, the most challenging part about finding a new job is where to start. Reed and Martini explore new and emerging industries and challenge readers to think outside the box: are you a casual surfer whose worked a desk job all his life? Open a surf shop. Are you a woman who got laid off from a mid-management job at a financial services job but has always loved working outdoors? Throw those suits away and get outside. Thank You For Firing Me! is really about that - it's about taking a devastating experience and turning into one of the best things that can happen to you.
Taking an often lighthearted and comical approach - Thank You For Firing Me! is full of resources for people trying to get back on track, personal anecdotes from people who really turned their lives around after being fired, and is likely to become a great resource for those looking to find the job of their dreams.
thankyouforfiringme.orghttp://jobs4yourfiredass.blogspot.com/
Let's face it---Al is going to have a hot babe on his arm by Father's Day, while Tipper is going to be staying up nights in that big-ass energy- wasting- house of hers looking for a guy on Match.com and hanging out with her neighbor Oprah snacking down on Costco-size bags of Cheetos's and Chardonnay.
I mean COME ON- I like her, but guys will immediately see that she's over 60, a few pounds overweight and everyone in the Free World knows she doesn't like dirty lyrics in her music. (They will no doubt figure she doesn't want to hear any nasty talk in the bedroom.)
They'll keep clicking until they find a girl who is waaaay to young for them, waaay to dumb for them and pick her, becauseeveryone knows who the real Tipper is!
I think it's going to be a big job finding a man to replace Al. Oh sure he's kind of wooden, and 'that kiss' was kind of like watching your parents make-out-yuck- but he's rich, still has his hair, he loves chick-issues such as the environment and he's a BAZILLIONAIRE! So slam-dunk.
So, what I'm saying here is that you can make this very sad divorce for the Gore family into a very positive turn-of-events for YOU!
It's going to take someone with dating savvy to find Tipper a date. Someone with sense of humor because she was the 2nd Lady and she's probably a bit of a diva, but YOU COULD DO IT! (You've probably visited a few ahem, 'dating sites' since you were fired from your job, so you're kind of an expert by now, right?
Get this: Online dating has become a $1 billion a year business with tens of millions of users visiting dating sites in the U.S. every month. And as dating sites have become more popular, several online services have popped up to help users improve their chances of meeting people online which means, hence and furthermore, that there are jobs to be had with online dating sites!
Of course if you want the job of actually dating Tipper Gore, there's a site for you too... but remember...no dirty words!
I mean he's got to be the most hated guy on this side of the pond....the really black, oily, yucky and dying pond.
With everyone, and I mean everyone pissed at this guy for some reason or another, I think he should have a backup plan for employment- just in case his back-up, back-up plan for cleaning up the damn disaster doesn't work out.
Speaking at Stanford business school last year, Mr Hayward said, "“BP makes its money by someone, somewhere, every day putting on boots, overalls, a hard hat and glasses, and going out and turning valves,” he said. “And we’d sort of lost track of that.” So maybe he can start there. (As the spill worsened, Hayward also said "I don't believe it should [result in a ban], in the same way as Apollo 13 did not stop the space program nor have serious airline accidents from time to time stopped people flying." So the job as a grief counselor is probably out.)
I found a job for aNatural Gas Leak Survey Technician, because I think after this he might want to go out into the field and put on that hard-hat a goggles- so that no one will recognize him!
But then I thought, perhaps after seeing all those fish and birds and effing dolphins wash up on shore , he might want to give back and get a job helping the very creatures that his company is trying to wipe out. Just a thought.
But really, because this guy is really the biggest bloody wanker since the Earl of Bute (look it up) I think he should just be tarred and feathered- along with other ill-responsible BP mucketty mucks- and fired.
BTW Tony, you should probably purchase a copy of Thank You for Firing Me! How to Catch the Next Wave of Success After You Lose Your Job. Pay special attention to Chapter 8- "Big Waves Ahead: Hot Green Industries Coming Your Way!" http://www.amazon.com/Thank-You-Firing-Me-Success/dp/1402769563
Oh, and if you are looking for a gig with this nasty company, or you just really, really need a job, go ahead an apply. Just don't tell your friends where you work. www.bp.com/
Times are tough in the job world and some people are going a little nuts when they can't find work.
I get it, it can make you a little loony when you have to pay bills with a negative bank account, have to pretend to be happy when you're out with your paycheck enhanced and employed friends and crazy when you find yourself taking gigs that you wouldn't even want your brother-in-law to have to do... right...crazy like a fox!
That's right, craaaaazy! Just yesterday I was speaking to a friend I hadn't heard from since he lost his job 10 years ago with one of the world's biggest golf club makers. He was the 'Golden Boy' on the fast track to success, but something wasnt quit right. Literally. He went crazy. Bonkers. Wacky!
He soon found himself heavily medicated and without a job. He was diagnosed with this and that, but I think he was unhappy in his job. Sure it paid well. Yes, he logged long hours, but he got to golf quite a bit and hang out with professional duffers (boooring!) but it wasn't his calling! He wasn't afraid of hard work- hell he was a store janitor when he was a teenager- but he wanted to be around horses. That was his calling!
A decade later he found his mind again (well, kind of.) and he is doing what he loves to do! He travels, he works with horses which he has done since he was a child and other like-minded horsey people and is writing a book. Not everyone can be out-of-their minds in this world of 15 million unemployed people, but if you're slightly sane, maybe you can take advantage of the other nut-jobs out there. It's worth a try.
Now go take your meds and apply for one of these gigs!
PS- While you are contemplating life..or if you're in the loony bin, and you are looking for great book recommendation, check out Flashlight Worthy at http://www.flashlightworthybooks.com/
Everything looks better with a good book!
I know that in this economy everyone wants to continue working, but if you can't make it down the aisle without limping or your wide-bodied rear-end knocks some guys drink off his tray, perhaps it's time to take your itty-bitty pension and retire to a nice little condo in Bocca. I mean, you'll still have those free flight comps, right?
But while flying recently my flight attendents did not look like they could open the damn bag of peaunuts, so it did nothing to make me think they could tackle a terrorist. Or hell, a belligerant grannny either! And the extra baggage one flight attendent was carrying made me wonder if her boss charged HER 25 extra bucks every time she brought that ass on board.
I'm not trying to be mean, but here's the deal.(I don't have to try) At some point Boomers, we've got to step aside and let X and Y have their turn. It's a matter of survival of the fittest. If you can't do your job, find one that you CAN do. It's not fair to the kids who need that piss-poor paying gig that you've held on to since your min-skirt became a potholder.
A recent report by the Bureau of Labor predicted that the
employment of cabin crew members is expected to grow about as fast as the average for all occupations through the year 2012. Population growth and an improving economy are expected to boost the number of airline passengers.
But old timers- ya gotta let it go!
So, below are a few high-flying gigs for those UNDER the age of my mom and with a little less junk in the trunk.
Jobs for tattoo artists are becoming quite popular due to the umm, sexy ladies that have been appearing in People Magazine and E! Make no mistake about it, the tattoo industry is hot right now. There are an estimated 20,000+ parlors operating in the United States, according to a U.S. News & World Report article, which said, on the average, an establishment is being added in the country every day. The article ranked tattooing as the sixth fastest growing retail venture of the 1990s, right behind Internet, paging services, bagels, computer and cell phones.
I mean, who doesn't want to be covered from head to toe in ink with faeries and butterflies...and scary Nazi propaganda and monkey butts...well you get the drift. People have some crazy imaginations and tattoo artists are talented and creative and there is money out there for them to collect. Kids want them, teens want them, moms want them and home wreckers want them.....or do they?
Imagine you were a biker in the 70's and you thought it was cool to have a tattoo that reads. " Free Mustache Rides" on your forehead and now you are trying to get a job as a teacher at an all girls school? Yeah, not bloody likely, right? Or maybe you were an obscure tattoo model from San Diego who had an affair with some really nice woman's husband and now everyone in America thinks you're a skank and you can't even go to the 7/11 for ciggies because your tattoos give you away.
So that brings me to another job opportunity- and that would be- tattoo removal tech
Because how embarrassing it is for your kids when you show up at the PTA with "This Bitch Doesn't Fall Off!" tattooed on your arms. Yeah, not so pretty now, is it?
So, artists, put the paper away and get yourself hired at a tattoo parlor--and the rest of you, find a way to erase those mistakes for a paycheck!
Zee Plane, Zee Plane! (Yeah, this has nothing to do with jobs, but it's Tattoo from Fantasy Island and I can't get it out of my head. Now you have it in yours. My gift to you.)
