BP CEO Tony Hayward May Soon Need a New Job....

I mean he's got to be the most hated guy  on this side of the pond....the really black, oily, yucky and dying pond.

With everyone, and I mean everyone pissed at this guy for some reason or another, I think he should have a backup plan for employment- just in case his back-up, back-up plan for cleaning up the damn disaster doesn't  work out.

  Speaking at Stanford business school last year, Mr Hayward said, "“BP makes its money by someone, somewhere, every day putting on boots, overalls, a hard hat and glasses, and going out and turning valves,” he said. “And we’d sort of lost track of that.” So maybe he can start there. (As the spill worsened, Hayward also said "I don't believe it should [result in a ban], in the same way as Apollo 13 did not stop the space program nor have serious airline accidents from time to time stopped people flying." So the job as a grief counselor is probably out.)

I found a job for a Natural Gas Leak Survey Technician, because I think after this he might want to go out into the field and put on that hard-hat a goggles- so that no one will recognize him!

www. ​southerncrosscorp.​com

But then I thought, perhaps after seeing all those fish and birds and effing dolphins wash up on shore , he might want to give back and get a job helping the very creatures that his company is trying to wipe out. Just a thought.

I figure a guy making can afford a couple of warehouses full of Dawn Dishsoap, which is used to clean the oil-covered animals, so here is a link for you Tony! http://www.deepwaterhorizonresponse.com/go/page/2931/46359/

But really, because this guy is really the biggest bloody wanker since the Earl of Bute (look it up) I think he should just be tarred and feathered- along with other ill-responsible BP mucketty mucks- and fired.  

BTW Tony, you should probably purchase a copy of Thank You for Firing Me! How to Catch the Next Wave of Success After You Lose Your Job. Pay special attention to Chapter 8- "Big Waves Ahead: Hot Green Industries Coming Your Way!" http://www.amazon.com/Thank-You-Firing-Me-Success/dp/1402769563


Oh, and if you are looking for a gig with this nasty company, or you just really, really need a job, go ahead an apply. Just don't tell your friends where you work.
www.bp.com/

You Need to be a Teeny Bit Crazy to Get a Job!

Times are tough in the job world and some people are going a little nuts when they can't find work.

I get it, it can make you a little loony when you have to pay bills with a negative bank account, have to pretend to be happy when you're out with your paycheck enhanced and employed friends and crazy when you find yourself taking gigs that you wouldn't even want your brother-in-law to have to do... right...crazy like a fox!

 That's right, craaaaazy! Just yesterday I was speaking to a friend I hadn't heard from since he lost his job 10 years ago with one of the world's biggest golf club makers. He was the 'Golden Boy' on the fast track to success, but something wasnt quit right. Literally. He went crazy. Bonkers. Wacky!


 He soon found himself heavily medicated and without a job. He was diagnosed with this and that, but I think he was unhappy in his job. Sure it paid well. Yes, he logged long hours, but he got to golf quite a bit and hang out with professional duffers (boooring!) but it wasn't his calling! He wasn't afraid of hard work- hell he was a store janitor when he was a teenager- but he wanted to be around horses. That was his calling!

A decade later he found his mind again (well, kind of.) and he is doing what he loves to do! He travels, he works with horses which he has done since he was a child and other like-minded horsey people and is writing a book. Not everyone can be out-of-their minds in this world of  15 million unemployed people, but if you're slightly sane, maybe you can take advantage of the other nut-jobs out there. It's worth a try.
Now go take your meds and apply for one of these gigs!


Mental Health Evaluator
http://www.careerbuilder.com/JobSeeker/Jobs/JobDetails.aspx?job_did=J8E5H56JQZV6PLM3CTQ&siteid=sep_juju_healthcare&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=085a5025818d49ed9877eda171d3042f-327938472-RC-4

Mental Health Staff

http://www.careerbuilder.com/JobSeeker/Jobs/JobDetails.aspx?job_did=J7X4HX6HMNFWF7QFZC3&siteid=sep_juju_nurse

Patton State Hospital- the Creme de la Creme!
http://www.dmh.ca.gov/services_and_programs/state_hospitals/patton/Human_Resources/default.asp


Golf Jobs...as if this game doesn't make you crazy!
https://callawaygolf.tms.hrdepartment.com/cgi-bin/a/searchjobs_quick.cgi



http://pgajobfinder.pgalinks.com/helpwanted/empcenter/search/job_detailed.cfm?jfid=43360

And here's a Mulligan for you!
http://pgajobfinder.pgalinks.com/helpwanted/empcenter/search/job_detailed.cfm?jfid=43363 

PS- While you are contemplating life..or if you're in the loony bin, and you are looking for great book recommendation, check out Flashlight Worthy at http://www.flashlightworthybooks.com/ 
Everything looks better with a good book!

My Flight Attendent is so old she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

I mean seriously!

I know that in this economy everyone wants to continue working, but if you can't make it down the aisle without limping or your wide-bodied rear-end knocks some guys drink off his tray, perhaps it's time to take your itty-bitty pension and retire to a nice little condo in Bocca. I mean, you'll still have those free flight comps, right?

But while flying recently my flight attendents did not look like they could open the damn bag of peaunuts, so it did nothing to make me think they could  tackle a terrorist. Or hell, a belligerant grannny either! And the extra baggage one flight attendent was carrying made me wonder if her boss charged HER 25 extra bucks every time she brought that ass on board.

I'm not trying to be mean, but here's the deal.(I don't have to try) At some point Boomers, we've got to step aside and let X and Y have their turn. It's a matter of survival of the fittest. If you can't do your job, find one that you CAN do. It's not fair to the kids who need that piss-poor paying gig that you've held on to since your min-skirt became a potholder.

A recent report by the Bureau of Labor predicted that the
employment of cabin crew members is expected to grow about as fast as the average for all occupations through the year 2012. Population growth and an improving economy are expected to boost the number of airline passengers.

But old timers- ya gotta let it go!

So, below are a few high-flying gigs for those UNDER the age of my mom and with a little less junk in the trunk.

It's the only way to fly!


 Jobs for sky-high jobs!

http://aviationemploymentboard.net/

http://www.southwest.com/careers/flight_attendant.html

Airline Inflight Resources, a professional recruiting company devoted exclusively to airlines. She can be reached by e-mail at jetfa@cfl.rr.com.


AND, jobs for your former hot-pants wearing stewdesses!

http://www.mahalo.com/how-to-become-a-walmart-greeter


http://www.knollcc.com/welcome.htm

Tattoo On...Tattoo Off...for money!

Jobs for tattoo artists are becoming quite popular due to the umm, sexy ladies that have been appearing in People Magazine and E! Make no mistake about it, the tattoo industry is hot right now. There are an estimated 20,000+ parlors operating in the United States, according to a U.S. News & World Report article, which said, on the average, an establishment is being added in the country every day. The article ranked tattooing as the sixth fastest growing retail venture of the 1990s, right behind Internet, paging services, bagels, computer and cell phones.

I mean, who doesn't want to be covered from head to toe in ink with faeries and butterflies...and scary Nazi propaganda and monkey butts...well you get the drift. People have some crazy imaginations and tattoo artists are talented and creative and there is money out there for them to collect. Kids want them, teens want them, moms want them and home wreckers want them.....or do they?

Imagine you were a biker in the 70's and you thought it was cool to have a tattoo that reads. " Free Mustache Rides" on your forehead and now you are trying to get a job as a teacher at an all girls school? Yeah, not bloody likely, right? Or maybe you were an obscure tattoo model from San Diego who had an affair with some really nice woman's husband and now everyone in America thinks you're a skank and you can't even go to the 7/11 for ciggies because your tattoos give you away.


So that brings me to another job opportunity- and that would be- tattoo removal tech
 Because how embarrassing it is for your kids when you show up at the PTA with "This Bitch Doesn't Fall Off!" tattooed on your arms. Yeah, not so pretty now, is it?


So, artists, put the paper away and get yourself hired at a tattoo parlor--and the rest of you, find a way to erase those mistakes for a paycheck!

Zee Plane, Zee Plane! (Yeah, this has nothing to do with jobs, but it's Tattoo from Fantasy Island and I can't get it out of my head. Now you have it in yours. My gift to you.)

Tattoo Jobs

http://www.jobnab.com?14781

http://tinyurl.com/yzmmurf

http://tinyurl.com/ykfjums

Tattoo Removal Jobs---

http://www.drtattoff.com/employment
http://tinyurl.com/yjd6tdm

Tattoo Removal Training--- 

http://www.no-tattoo.com/
http://nationallaserinstitute.com/medical-laser-technician.html

Ex-Mistress Needs Work- Will for Once Promise to Behave....

With all these mistresses seemingly out of a job now, it looks as if I need to get involved. I mean there's Brigitte Daguerre, Melissa Smith, Michelle 'Bombshell' McGee, Devon James, Loredana Joli, Cori Rist, Rachel Uchitel...OK, all of this drama is wearing me out! But, I take my job as an anti-career expert seriously, so I want to find these young, umm, women a job befitting their stature.

What are their skills again? Hmm, let me check the web, be right back....OH, IS THAT WHAT THEY DO?
Umm, OK, I've got it! The perfect job!
Of course, as a mistress, they all want to be 'The One." But,as Star Magazine tells us, that's not always possible. So, I have found these pushy and tough young gals places to send their resumes---"That means a list of all your jobs Sweetie!"
 They all thought they were ' Head Mistress,' so I have found jobs for them to apply as...HEAD MISTRESS! (How smart am I? I know!)
 So ladies, here are a few, umm positions, that you might not be familiar with, but check it out, get a passport if applicable- there are a lot of people who would like you to leave the country, hint, hint- and reinvent yourself. You can do it and here's another big-ass hint: You don't need a man to get famous! DUH!

http://tinyurl.com/ygswhzb



http://tinyurl.com/ykmjllj

http://tinyurl.com/yhqllen

PS- Other than Pennsylvania, we have NO idea where these places are...but it's safe to say that TMZ won't be following you anymore....unless you screw up again. Sigh.

Join the Tea Party Movement and Earn an Honest Buck!

Do you want to protest unemployment?
Do you want to boycott joblessness?
Do you want to demonstrate your rights to work?
Well then get a freakin tea job! 

That's right, because what's more American than TEA? OK, well, Coke, and hot dogs and apple pie...and never mind! But TEA, it's such an important part of American history, right? There was that whole tea tossing episode into the Boston Harbor a thousand years ago or so...and now I hear there is this new wave of parties that celebrate tea. And teabags and other things I guess I don't understand, so I thought some of you would like to put down your signs and actually get a job. It seems that you people who like tea so much have a lot of time on your hands, so here are some diverse jobs in the tea biz that might interest you enough to stop being so mad all the time and change into some normal clothes. Sheeesh, take some deep breaths,  put on a pot of tea, grab an application and stop all the yelling.
As for me, I don't care much for tea, give me some all-American coffee any day!

Party down with Tea Jobs!

Peets Coffee & Tea--- www.peets.com/ 

Teavana ---www.teavana.com/about-us/careers

Join the tea movement abroad. That's right, you can move out of the country and find a new job in India. And a new life- I might even help you pack your bags!!!
Look for tea jobs with Tata Tea Ltd. http://www.naukrihub.com/india/fmcg/companies/tata-tea/career/

And, because I know you love the country of Texas, I found a tea job there as well- with the Texas Education Agency- sounds very patriotic to me! http://ritter.tea.state.tx.us/hr/jvn/












 

Whining about job loss ladies?? Well SNAP OUT OF IT!

Listen I know it's tough out there, but seriously, I am tired of having to hold your hand every step of the way. I need a little break. Maybe a vacation on an island with a pina colada whipped up by a hunky island guy who is slightly near-sighted so he can't see how old I am. Yes, that sounds wonderful! But, just so you don't fall apart while I jet away (in my mind) here's a gal who can whip you into shape career-wise. Take some deep breaths and meet my friend Angela of  It's A Chick Thing Coaching-----
http://www.itsachickthingcoaching.com/index.html

Angela is a real, bona-fide career coach. (yes, I know, I'm an anti-career expert, but apparently not all of you are ready for that. Maybe after your midlfe cirises you will catch on.) ANYWAY, as I was saying, Angela's really got it going on and is funny and younger than me and she's damn smart- actually graduated from college and everything.!

Angela specializes in collaborating with young professional women just starting out or transitioning in their careers and who may be struggling to find their way through life...hey, that sounds like ME..20 years  and a few Botox injections down the road!

So let's give all of our attention to Angela while I'm gone, and if you start whining again that you hate your job and refuse to do anything about it Angela has my permission to slap you into shape. Angela, good luck, because I am grabbing my bathing suit and headed out the door!
Don't forget- check out Angela NOW! 
http://www.itsachickthingcoaching.com/index.html